The Gates to Heaven

My dirty Converse are the gates to heaven. Within these pearly white gates, are a nirvana you can only dream of. Youre unworthy of touching and being in the presence of My divine, perfect, size 7.5 feet, but maybe.... just maybe, Ill allow you purchase and worship My dirty sneakers. However, youll have to prove yourself a worthy worshiper first. I dont allow just ANYONE to place My dirty shoes upon their shrine- why should I entrust you?