Bedridden Pillow Humping Loser

You can’t get out of bed, can you? You’re basically strapped to it, since your hand is attached to your dick. You have no time to meet girls because all you want to do is jerk off all day in bed. No time to have a girlfriend. OR, maybe you are this way because girls don’t want you anyways. Regardless, you’re not doing anything productive when you’re on your ass all day. But it does get rather lonely, huh? You do want a girlfriend. It’s sad spending every night alone, sexless, nobody next to you in bed. But I have a solution, and she’s been in bed next to you this whole time. Yes! Your pillow! Meet your new girlfriend. Fuck her hard, because she’s the only girl who will ever take your dick. Have fun humping, loser.