Loser Birthday

So, what? You think because you managed to get through another year and have another birthday that you deserve to be rewarded? No one wants to give you presents, it is an obligation. Why should you get anything, it's just another day! You are a loser that does not deserve a reward for it. Every year that goes by just means you are even more pathetic, even uglier, and just generally becoming more repulsive! You are such a waste, so instead of getting and keeping presents you will ask for money! Then you will deposit it and send it to me. You will return presents and give me the money from them. Losers like you do not deserve anything, but I deserve it all for having to exist in the same world as a loser like yourself. You are compensating me for your poor existence.